just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
