Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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