Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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