when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize