One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I lost the right to judge tonight
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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