Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
