So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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