Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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