Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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