6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize