I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No subtext here. People are naked.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
