I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
