We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
