My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
