no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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