this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
