I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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