Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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