if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Your dad touched me again.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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