My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
