i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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