remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
