you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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