Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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