i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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