You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
