Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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