I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
