like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize