This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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