I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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