Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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