Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
God, I missed his penis.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
