she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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