So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
