Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
