your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
