he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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