Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fuck appropriateness.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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