so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
