Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
