Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
