you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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