True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
