You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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