evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
