so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
