our cab driver is having phone sex.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
why does every cop we meet know your name?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
