my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
