She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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