In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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