did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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