so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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