i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
