Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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