haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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