Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
