Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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