she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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