Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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