worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
