is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
