am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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