I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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